The asterisk has become the fine-print of modern advertising .*
(* Based on no scientific study, just what I've sorta noticed here lately.)
A new car is advertised at a Special Fully Loaded* price of $15,000.
(*Excluding motor, transmission, tires and floor mats.)
A hair-restoration company posts a photo of a handsome young rake with wavy locks and promises, "You too can look like this!"*
(*With a wig.)
A mortgage company will give you a home-equity loan and you "get to live in your house forever."*
(*Or until Tuesday.)
If you'll work out on this exercise machine, the manufactures vows, "You will look like Pamela Anderson!"*
(*Yuk! Have you seen Pamela Anderson lately?)
A photo of a sultry model carries a caption saying that if you use a certain brand of cologne she'll "go for you."*
(*Yeah -- with Mace.)
If you feed your dog this brand of chow, he'll wolf it down like the one in the TV commercial.*
(*Assuming that he, like the mutt in the commercial, hasn't been fed for three weeks.)
You can order live* aquarium fish by mail.
This diet will make you so trim that you can fit into the bathing suit you wore in high school.*
(*If you borrowed it from Mama Cass.)
A complete dinner at this seafood restaurant will cost you only $9.99.*
(*Seafood not included.)
Enroll in this internet college and you can earn an advanced degree* in six weeks.
(*In worm farming.)
Take advantage of this Book Club's "exciting introductory membership offer" and receive four free books.*
(*Plus four more every month that you'll forget to return and get stuck paying for.)
Switch banks and get no-strings-attached* free checking.
(*Some strings attached.)
Use this coupon and get a complimentary meal at any participating restaurant.*
At Honest Abe's, no collateral* is required for a personal loan.
(*Besides your first-born.)
Plant this pot of Miracle Tomatoes and you'll have bushels of delicious, vine-ripened tomatoes all summer long.*
(*And while you're at it, plant some Magic Beans in your backyard and a giant beanstalk will grow overnight and a guy named Jack will climb it and slay a giant and steal his gold.)
We'll cash your payroll check for free!*
(*And keep most of the dough)
Sign up now and receive an all-expense-paid Florida vacation.*
(*Travel, lodging and food not included.)
Make $5,000 a month working at home!*
(*Must be able to operate a counterfeit-printing press.)
Learn a second language* in just one week.
Enroll now and get free unlimited calling.*
(*Offer not good inside known Solar System.)
Every one* of these examples is completely ** true.