| Stephen Lewis: ‘Winter Dad’ reigns in fleece from comfort of recliner-throne |
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By: STEPHEN LEWIS, Post Columnist
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Posted: Sunday, December 7, 2008 7:39 am
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Unless you live in my neighborhood, you probably missed a yearly phenomenon sighting this past week. In fact, unless you live in my house, you probably missed it. Although not as rare as a Loch Ness Monster sighting or as frightening as seeing Bigfoot, it certainly is worth noting. Only my family is familiar with this particular beast. They refer to it as "Winter Dad."
"Winter Dad" comes out just about the time we hit the first night of 20-degree weather. That's when the favorite clothing of "Winter Dad" comes out of the closet. All day long most of the people I come in contact with see me in a dress shirt, tie, khaki pants and brown shoes. Needless to say, like many who have to dress up for work every day, that's not the real me. The real me lives in fleece from the time I get up to the time I leave for work. Then I'm immediately back in fleece when I get home in the evening.
On weekends I'm in the same sweatpants and sweatshirt from Friday evening till Sunday night. I don't shave all weekend so I look kind of like that guy on the Brawny paper towel package except instead of the flannel shirt, I'm in an Alabama sweatshirt and, instead of holding an ax, I've got a remote control in my hand. I exude that rugged indoorsman look women find so appealing.
I'm currently working on a line of dress fleece for men that I think will be wildly popular. I'm planning on releasing a line of business fleece, business casual fleece, casual fleece, church fleece, dress party fleece and, "Winter Dad's" favorite, lazy fleece.
Most of the time you will see me reclined at a 130-degree angle in my La-Z-Boy recliner switching from one football game to the next. Typically I'm covered up from head to toe with blankets while lying on a heating pad. Oh, and I'm usually covered up by three dogs as well. All three hoping I'll drop one of whatever it is I'm eating. I've perfected the method of bouncing the remote signal off a dog's head, ricochet it off the fireplace, and then on to the TV to successfully change the channel. Try that Mr. Brawny Guy!
You may be asking "with all that fleece, blankets, and dogs, why do you need a heating pad?" Excellent question. You see, although "Winter Dad" dominates the scene from December to late February, he does not conquer "Cheap Dad." And "Cheap Dad" still requires the thermostat stay set on 62 degrees. That is if "Winter Mom" and "Winter Children" want to have some presents to open on Christmas morning.
I've even gone so far as to plan "Winter Dad's" life in the hereafter. I've already designed my tombstone to be in the shape of a recliner. Whenever my children come to visit my grave they will be able to sit back and remember dad just as they remembered him during life. I will of course be buried in my favorite sweats (and heating pad), since I hear it can get pretty cold six feet under. My epitaph will be short but memorable since it's the phrase my children hear most often from me: "Where's that #!*$ remote control!"
The chance that you will ever see "Winter Dad" is probably as remote as seeing the Abominable Snowman in Tennessee. But perhaps you will be out one cold and frosty morning and see the gray silhouette of a hulking beast reaching down to pick up the newspaper. Just don't be offended if he only grunts. Remember, he probably hasn't had his morning Diet Coke.
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