Join Us Box / Rack Advertise Service Contact Us
 
 
 
 
  Welcome Visitor, 562 members online. Date: Fri, Mar 19, 2010 My Account Login/Register  Search:   advanced  
Home
Featured
Columnists
Special
Photos
Calendar
Classifieds
Advertisers
Weekly Editions
 
Stephen Lewis: Tattoos, bikinis and bull parts make summer learning list



 Related Articles
Read all about it: Uncle Sid Goes HD
H-Haid: Dang, why did he get rid of that truck?
Stephen Lewis: Mourning a dear, dear friend
The Edge: Businesses come, go on 'Boro's Public Square
Mrs. 'Boro: Time to dump stuff
Dr. Kestner: Save up your change, be glad that you did
Mike Pirtle: People suffer enough without politics
No more Sea World for me
Learning about science of teaching
The Edge: Just wanna dance? Here’s a place to do it
View All
By: STEPHEN LEWIS, Post Columnist
Posted: Sunday, August 16, 2009 7:23 am
Email Print
The end is near! Don't worry; it's not the end of the world. Just the end of summer. Yes, I know, summer doesn't actually end till sometime in September but around here school starting pretty much signals the end of summer. And since the end is so close, it's time for my annual report on "What I've learned this summer."

I have to admit, the older I get the crabbier I get. I see things now that never used to bother me that now get me pretty lathered up. I suspect in a few years I'll be the type that sits on my porch and yells at all those whippersnappers that use my lawn as a shortcut. Until then I'll just let you know what I've picked up this summer.

First, everyone, and I mean everyone, has a tattoo. Don't get me wrong; I've got nothing against tattoos. It's just that I think I must be the only person in Murfreesboro who doesn't have one. If you don't believe me then just take a trip to any pool in town. Most swimsuits leave very little room to hide a tattoo.

I've noticed the tattoos that are some sort of saying written in Chinese, Japanese, or some language that uses the lines for letters. I think it should be a law that anyone who has any tattoo written in an Asian language should also have to have the English translation tattooed in parentheses below it for those of us who don't read Asian. I mean, why would anyone want a tattoo that 99 percent of the population can't read?

The second thing I've learned this summer is that women no longer fear the bikini. Remember the 70s and 80s when only the thinnest of women even dared to wear one? Think about this: it's only been within the last decade that Miss USA contestants began wearing bikinis. If those ladies just started wearing them I think it would be wise for the rest of the population to wait a couple more decades to break them out. Or at least wait until I'm dead or too disabled to go to the pool. Maybe I'll have bumper stickers printed that say "Fear The Bikini." I don't want people to fear terrorists, the swine flu, or even the Taliban. I just want them to fear the bikini. And before anyone gets offended you should be thanking me for not showing up at the pool in a Speedo. Same idea.

And since you brought up the Taliban, the last thing I learned this summer is why the Taliban hates us so much. We've been at war with them for eight years now and I think I've finally figured out why. It's because we have idiots in our country, specifically right here in Rutherford County, that think it's cool to drive their truck around with a set of bull testicles hanging from the rear bumper. My eight-year-old daughter asked me what was hanging from the back of the truck in front of us and I told her it was the brain of the moron driving the truck. When I see that I not only realize why the Taliban hates us but I also realize sometimes I don't care for us too much either.

So pack up the bikinis, cover up the ink and put your brains back in the cab of your truck. Summer is almost over. But enjoy the rest of it while you can. Take a few more trips to the pool and who knows, I may break out the Speedo yet.
Share: 
Tags: Stephen Lewis, There Ought to be a Law, Voices
Member Opinions:
By: jg13 on 8/17/09
On the contrary, I greatly appreciate the bull testicles. It's like a bright, obnoxious, flashing jackass warning. It's the bat signal for mouth breathers.


Login and voice your opinion!


Copyright Statement | Privacy Statement | Terms of Service

615-869-0800 | online@murfreesboropost.com | 630 Broadmor Blvd. Suite 140,  P.O. 10008, Murfreesboro, TN 37129
Making Web Design Easy Since 2001
Websites for Newspapers, Magazines, HOAs, Trade Associations & Online Communities  |  Email Marketing, E-Commerce