Stephen Lewis: ‘Sagging pants’ just weight loss, uh, hand-me-downs, uh … on The Murfreesboro Post

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Stephen Lewis: ‘Sagging pants’ just weight loss, uh, hand-me-downs, uh …

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By: STEPHEN LEWIS, Post Columnist

Posted: Sunday, May 24, 2009 9:08 am

Thank goodness. The legislature has decided not to pursue the “sagging pants ban.” Apparently some representative thought it would be a good idea for police to issue citations to citizens who wear their pants too low on their waists. I'm being kind of course. Most of the young people who are “sagging” wear their pants somewhere below the midpoint of their rump and lower. I'm just glad that up to this point everyone I've seen sagging at least had the decency to wear underwear.

But as we all know there is no way that an underfunded and overworked police department could ever enforce this type of legislation. By letting the proposed legislation die it at least proves not every elected official is a total bonehead. Besides, if they go after all the saggers what will they do with the old folks like Hammerhaid that pull their waistbands up to their armpits and expose their ridiculous black socks under a pair of cheaply made tennis shoes. Oh sure, you say there's nothing indecent or dangerous about that. But I disagree. If you ever see him walking along on the square you'll be laughing so hard you're likely to run into the back of whoever is in front of you if they decide to stop.

But anyway, I think as a society we've made a rash decision concerning these young people whose pants hang down between their knees. We've decided to declare them juvenile delinquents, or worse yet, just plain criminals. I think we need to do as my preacher says and put ourselves in their shoes (or pants as the case may be). And then maybe the crotch of our pants might be dragging the ground.

I've got three possible explanations that I'll bet you haven't considered. And wouldn't you feel bad if it turned out these young people weren't purposely wearing their pants that way, but did so for a reason they had no control over. Indulge me if you will.

It's no secret that today's youth are more obese than any previous generation. This leads me to my first possible explanation. Three words: rapid weight loss. Never thought of it did you? And neither would I if I hadn't seen it before my very eyes on a pop-up advertisement while surfing the net. I saw the backside of a woman go from just shy of a Volvo to the backside of a swimsuit model in front of my very eyes. I know it was the same woman because the bathing suit was the same color.

Who’s to say these young people we call “saggers” aren't just people, who like myself, have battled a weight problem, and have finally had enough. Perhaps they called Jenny Craig. Or maybe they decided to drink a Slim-Fast for breakfast, one for lunch, and then eat a sensible dinner. Wake up people! These should be our heroes. We're condemning those who have said enough is enough and got the courage to push away from the table. Not buying it, huh? Well how about this next one?

I was fortunate to be the oldest child in my family. But other friends I had weren't so lucky and they had to wear hand-me-downs from older brothers. Sometimes this included pants that were six inches too long or six inches too big around the waist. They had a terrible time keeping their pants up even with a belt. I propose today's youngsters are simply the younger brothers of older male siblings and they are continuing the time honored tradition of wearing the hand-me-downs. And heaven knows in this economy we can all stand to save a little money by recycling used clothing. Not buying this one either, eh? Here's my last shot.

Remember when you were a kid and you went clothes shopping with your mom? You surely remember how embarrassing it was when she lifted your shirt to check how your pants fit around the waist. And if you lived in Murfreesboro you were probably at Sullivan's or Goldstein's and every other kid in Murfreesboro was there with their moms and they were all laughing at you because your mom was running her hand down the rear of the pants cause she said she had to see how they fit in the seat. Thanks mom. I'm totally scarred for life. I couldn't step foot back in Sullivan's even if it was still in business.

Then you found a pair you liked and your mom made you get the pair that was two sizes too big because she said you would grow into them. “Sure I'll grow into them mom. But I'm not sure these will be in style when I'm a junior in college because that's how old I'll have to be before I can fit into them. I was going to say that maybe that's what is going on today with young people but I'm having mom issues so I think it's best I move on so I can finish up and get to my therapist as quickly as possible. Where's that #*!@ bottle of Prozac?!?

Who knows? Maybe it's one of these reasons or maybe something else. Maybe they're animal lovers and don't like the thought of wearing leather belts. But I say thank you to the legislature for dropping the whole crazy idea. Otherwise we'd have hundreds of shoppers running around the mall like Gomer Pyle yelling, “Citizen's arrest, citizen's arrest!” Let's let our police officers work on catching real criminals. Like the idiots that forward every e-mail they think is remotely funny!

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Tags: Stephen Lewis, Voices

Member Opinions:

By: CFW0914 on 5/26/09
I wish these boys who think they look so good knew where this started. it started in prison where belts couldn't be issued. And if you were OK with being someone elses "boy", you were supposed to wear your pants a little lower to show QUICK AND EASY ACCESS!

By: thisone on 5/27/09
What about all of the plumbers??

By: justdance on 5/28/09

LOL!
Good one thisone!

By: eagle50 on 5/28/09
Thanks for the laugh of the day!

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