STEPHEN LEWIS, Post Columnist
Posted: Sunday, April 4, 2010 12:00 am

How can almost 60 percent of the population be against the recently passed health-care reform bill?

I'm fortunate that I have health care for my family but I also realize that many out there must not for various reasons. I'm hearing a large percentage of doctors are against it.

Of course they take something called the "Hypocrite Oath" so it's no surprise they're not in favor of reform.

But I'm happy for another reason that many, if not all, of that 60 percent must not have thought of yet. I'm thinking if the government is going to provide health care for all then other goodies must be right around the corner. We've already had the "Cash for Clunkers" which provided taxpayer money for people to upgrade in car. Here's some more ideas I'm hoping to see soon:

For my wife I'm hoping that the government will soon begin providing free gas and electricity. I don't think it's fair that many people keep their thermostats set at 72 degrees while ours is locked in at a brisk 65 degrees from November through March. Her foot temperature hovers somewhere between a block of ice and that liquid nitrogen stuff that makes a banana so hard you can hammer a nail with it.

And what about my poor children who I give approximately three minutes in the shower before I reach in and turn the hot water off? You talk about finishing a shower in a hurry. When I yell "30 seconds" you can see the soap suds flying. "No Dad, no Dad, please Dad no! I'll love you forever for one more minute!"

The begging means nothing to me as I callously turn the hot off. I don't try this with my wife as the temperature of her shower is directly related to the temperature of our bed if you get my meaning.

For me I'm hoping that the government will pass legislation that will upgrade my TV channels.

Is it fair that some Joe Fatcat over in the rich part of town has access to 300 channels and I'm stuck with basic cable?

The answer is no by the way.

He's sitting over there watching HBO, HBO East, HBO West, HBO Japan, HBO Kazakistan, and HBO JackieChan, while I'm on my side of town flipping back and forth between a Murfreesboro City School Board meeting and reruns of Masterpiece Theatre on PBS.

Please Rep. Bart Gordon, on your way to retirement won't you please introduce legislation to provide premium cable to us all? You can even name it after me if you'd like.

And finally, I'd like to see equality in the area of casual dining.

Sometimes as I'm driving the family across town one of my children will notice a large sign for a local restaurant. "What's that, Dad?"

I explain that it is a place called a "restaurant" where people go in, order food from something called a menu, and then a person called a server (a waiter or waitress in my day) brings the food to their table fully prepared and ready to eat.

"Wow, a rest-o-rawnt", they say.

"Close enough,” I tell them.

Anyway, I'd like for my children to experience some chili from that place called Chilis. And maybe a burger from Backyard Burgers or even try a camino, whatever the heck that is, from that fancy Mexican restaurant called El Caminos.

So maybe through the use of dining vouchers the government could even things out a bit for those who can't get out to enjoy the finer things in life very often.

These are just a few of the ideas I'm hoping to see from a kinder and more fair government.

Bill Gates is sitting on billions of dollars and I'm typing this on a computer that's one step up from a Commodore 64! I say no fair!

So to my parents and millions of parents out there who told their kids "Life isn't fair" when their kids cried "no fair!" because you wouldn't buy them the newest Pacman game cartridge for their Atari 2600 I say: "Welcome to 2010! Where life is officially fair!"

Ooooh, I gotta go. This school board meeting is getting pretty spicy!