| Stephen Lewis: Just three simple wishes for Santa |
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By: STEPHEN LEWIS, Post Columnist
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Posted: Sunday, December 20, 2009 8:26 am
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Hi Santa.
It's me, Stephen.
I know it's been several years since I've written you so I guess it should be no surprise that I haven't gotten anything good for Christmas in a while.
I know I shouldn't expect much this Christmas since I haven't been especially good this past year. But I was hoping if I could string a few good days together here in mid-December, you might bring me a few things on my wish list.
The first thing I would really like is a year with fewer celebrities in the news.
Didn't it seem like 2009 was consumed with gossip/news about celebrity deaths?
The biggest of course was Michael Jackson. Between Nancy Grace, Larry King, Greta van Sustren, Geraldo, and too many others, they just wouldn't let that poor guy be dead. And no matter how much they talked about it and who they blamed, one thing was constant: He was still dead.
And when that finally began to die down the whole Tiger Woods mess started up.
So please, just make 2010 a little less celebrity centered if you don't mind.
Secondly, I wouldn't mind if 2010 was a little lighter on vampires.
Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against vampires. Far be it from me do be anti-fangs.
I think vampires should be given all the same rights as the rest of us. If a vampire wants to marry another vampire, I think they should be able to do so freely. Or at least in Massachussets and California.
If a vampire couple wants to adopt a child I think they should have that right. So long as they're not adopting the child just for a late night snack.
I'm just hopeful that in 2010 we can focus less on vampires and maybe more on mummies, werewolves, or even zombies. Just less vampires, please.
And my final Christmas wish is for fewer pleas to buy stuff for various fundraisers.
I mean, I think it's great that your son or daughter has a chance to play in a soccer tournament in Antarctica. But if you can't afford to get them there yourself, don't you think it would be best just to let them go play soccer in the backyard?
What's the point of you buying chili supper tickets from me just so I will buy car wash tickets from you? You don't like chili and my car is a piece of junk that I haven't washed in years.
Let's just go our separate ways and pay for our own kids' activities. Let's face it, if we didn't want kids we all know what we should have done to have kept them from being here.
So that's it Santa.
All I really want for Christmas summed up in three easy wishes.
I know my track record from kindergarten (paddled everyday for running to the cafeteria) up to this point hasn't been too good.
But if you could just help me out with these things I would really appreciate it and I promise to be much better in 2010.
And if you can't come through with these things I guess it would be okay to substitute a beautiful swimsuit model who may be planning to divorce her superstar athlete billionaire husband and take half of his money.
She'd have to be willing to convert to Mormonism (is that a word?) and live with my family. My wife would certainly be okay with it. At least until the money runs out.
But let's be realistic.
How many of those are around nowadays? |
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