| Stephen Lewis: I don’t wanna be McNair, SC gov nor even Angus cow |
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By: STEPHEN LEWIS, Post Columnist
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Posted: Sunday, July 12, 2009 8:02 am
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Do you ever sit and dream of being someone or something else?
Me neither. But I suppose some people might. Maybe they just close their eyes and think about living someone else's life. Perhaps living the life of say a Brad Pitt. Happily married to Jennifer Aniston, one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood. Then being able to dump her to take up with Angelina Jolie, yet another of Hollywood's most beautiful women. Sitting on the beach sipping exotic, colorful drinks with little umbrellas in them. I'm over 40 and I've never sipped a drink with a tiny umbrella in it. The closest I've come is slurping on a Sonic Route 44 under an umbrella at my daughter's soccer game.
But I don't suppose it makes any sense to dream of being someone else anyway. But what I have done over the last few days is compile a list of people or things we all should hope we don't become. At least not anytime soon.
First would have to be a celebrity. Have you noticed they've been dropping like flies on one of those bug fryers lately? Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and Steve McNair have all died from various causes within the last few weeks. Although Michael Jackson has garnered the most worldwide publicity due to his death I think around here the news about McNair's death is more shocking. Being a star player for the Titans puts you pretty high up on the ladder of importance with Tennesseans.
If you had asked me a few weeks or months ago if I would trade places with McNair I might have said "Sure, why not." At this point my answer would change considerably. Apparently, McNair had a relationship with a younger woman who I think could be described as somewhat unstable. But I'm not passing judgment on McNair. I suspect when I die the pope won't make a motion to have me canonized as a saint either. I'm just going to give you an idea of what my wife's reaction would be if I divulged to her that I had a 20-year old girlfriend. Did you see the fireworks finale at SportsCom on the 4th? Imagine something in between that and the nuclear missile tests North Korea is supposedly conducting. Our little slice of northern Murfreesboro would go up in a giant mushroom cloud.
Another person I wouldn't want to trade places with is this idiot governor of South Carolina. I call him an idiot not because he cheated on his wife but because of the statements he made to the press afterward. I'm paraphrasing here but it was something to the effect of "This was not an affair but rather a love story. She is not my mistress, she is my soul mate." Wrong answer! If I had said the same thing to my wife the reaction would have been something in between the North Korea missile tests and one of the atomic bombs dropped on Japan in WWII. Take your pick.
What he should have said was, "The woman was crazy! She kidnapped me, took me to Argentina against my will and then put one of those Argentinian voodoo curses on me and my brain went to mush. I'm lucky to be alive! God I love my wife!" You see how the second answer would have gone much further in reconciling with his wife.
Finally the last person I'm not changing places with is an Angus cow. Yes I know a cow is not a person but how often have you driven by a field of cows and said "Man they've got it made." They go to the bathroom wherever they're at. They eat until they belch up their food and then they continue to eat it. And when it gets too hot they go stand in a pond. What a life. But now McDonald's, the largest seller of hamburgers in the world, is touting the new Angus burgers. Let's just say it's a bad time to be an Angus cow.
I think I'll just be thankful for who I am. Work all day, come home and watch baseball, eat some ice cream and then stumble off to bed. It's pretty mundane I'll admit but I recently ordered a book called "How to Teach Yourself to Play Guitar." Apparently I'm only six months away from being the next Jimi Hendrix. |
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