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Stephen Lewis: Hard economic times may spark ‘return of the real man’



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By: STEPHEN LEWIS, Post Columnist
Posted: Sunday, March 1, 2009 6:28 am
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I know it’s not easy to see a silver lining in the economic dark clouds we are currently experiencing but, as an eternal optimist, I’ve got to believe there is one out there. Some might say that the slowdown has stopped, or at least put the brakes on the unbridled growth we watched for the last 10 years. Of course those counting on all that growth might not exactly see a silver lining in that. But I’ve scoured and searched and I think I’ve finally found something we can all agree will be a positive out of this mess. I call it the “return of the real man.”

You see, as I figure it, the great economic times of the last several years has caused America to grow a soft under belly. Particularly with us men folk. Women are supposed to be soft, what with their fancy purses and noon-time tea parties. But not men. We’re supposed to be rugged, masculine, unaffected by the niceties in life. Unfortunately, technology and a country flush with cash has turned us less into “Brawny paper towel” men and more into “George Michael, former lead singer of Wham!” men.

What’s up with men and their cell phones? I always assumed cell phones were invented for women. I never answer the phone at home, so why would I want to carry one with me everywhere I go. I always hear the argument that you need a cell phone for safety. They say times are different now, and there are more and meaner criminals out there. My answer to that is haven’t you ever heard of a little fellow named Charles Manson? Or how about the Son of Sam? Or maybe the Green River killer? Perhaps the moniker BTK killer rings a bell with some of you. No, I don’t think there are more or meaner criminals than before. I won’t even mention men who use the text feature on their phones. Do they go home and write in their diaries every night who they texted throughout the day?

Speaking of technology, what in the world is the draw to these Web sites like Facebook or MySpace for any man over the age of 16? When you’re a teenager, you have an unlimited number of friends. You then spend the next 20 years trying to get that number down to as small as possible so you don’t feel obligated to volunteer when someone needs help moving.

Has anyone besides me noticed the proliferation of men drinking gourmet coffees? I went into a gas station the other day and passed a group of construction workers each holding a cup of that fancy coffee. I didn’t know if I passed a construction crew or a reunion of the Village People. I will admit that I don’t drink coffee and wouldn’t know good coffee from bad, but I do know that if a man is going to drink coffee, it should be black coffee in a white Styrofoam cup. There should be no top and if it spills it scalds your hand and you start dropping curse words like Al Pacino’s character in “Scarface.”

It seems like lots of men are wearing hair gel lately. I do remember Mickey Mantle doing commercials for Brylcreem, but come on, Mickey was a real man. He parted his hair on the side and combed it straight over. None of that spiky stuff going on today. And, if you’re doing it because you’re going bald, I say toughen up. Ever heard of a fellow named Telly Savalas? Nobody made fun of his baldhead. Who loves you baby?

So maybe, just maybe, this economic downturn will cause some men to rethink their spending priorities. No more cell phones, gourmet coffees, or useless hair products. Let’s refocus and spend our money on more manly enterprises. Things like subscriptions to “Sports Illustrated”, Hooters hot wings and new rims for our cars. Oh, yes, and chewing tobacco. Lots and lots of chewing tobacco. For now my time is up. Maybe I’ll think of some more while downing this six-pack of Zima and listening to my new Michael Bolton CD in a hot bath.
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Tags: Stephen Lewis, Voices
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By: justdance on 3/3/09

......fancy purses and noon-time tea parties!!! What!!!????


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