Stephen Lewis: Being prepared: Gas in big buckets, Spam on frozen pizzas on The Murfreesboro Post

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Stephen Lewis: Being prepared: Gas in big buckets, Spam on frozen pizzas

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By: STEPHEN LEWIS, Post Columnist

Posted: Sunday, September 21, 2008 7:38 am

Man, you people are gullible. A storm is predicted 600 miles away from here and everybody rushes off to buy gas like it’s the last drop they’ll ever see. Of course the gas companies love it when we panic because they can then raise gas prices by a dollar a gallon and we’re just glad to have it.

Not me. I learned a long time ago to not wait till the last minute to be prepared. Maybe it’s my Boy Scout training. Although I was only a scout for a couple of months I was in long enough to get my Weasel and Skunk badges and to learn that nothing beats proper preparation in all situations.

A few years ago I foresaw the possibility of a rise in gas prices. I immediately began to collect empty milk jugs, 2-liter bottles and even coffee cans. I started filling them with gasoline just in case something like this past week ever happened. When I ran out of containers I just began using 5-gallon buckets. It’s hard as heck to pour gas from a bucket into a car but with just the right angle it can be done. My garage is full of gas now and I’ve had to start storing some of it in the attic. It’s cut down on the space I have for all the fireworks I buy on July 5th every year but there’s still some room under the house if I need it. Sometimes the gas fumes get a little overwhelming but we just crack a window or open a door if needed.

Gas isn’t the only thing that everyone needs to stock up on. We’ve also got an adequate supply of Beanie Weenies and Spam. Both of course are left over from the Y2K scare a few years back. My wife thought I was crazy then but who’s laughing now. Both can be stored for decades and are great when we have “Campout Night” for dinner in our back yard every Thursday. Beanie Weenies are full of protein and Spam is full of pig snout, which I’m sure, has some nutritional value.

Remember when cheese prices began to skyrocket five years ago. Everything that contained cheese went up in price. As soon as I heard the first report I rushed out to buy the largest deep freeze I could find and stocked it with 150 cheese pizzas. Crazy? Crazy like a fox! Have you seen the price on frozen pizzas lately? Plus, my family gets to enjoy “Pizza Night” every Monday. Between “Campout Night” and “Pizza Night” my wife has two nights off for meal planning. On a side note, if your favorite pizza is “meat lovers” then just take a can of Spam and thinly slice it onto a frozen cheese pizza. Open a can or two of Beanie Weenies, pull the Weenies out (not everyday you read that in a family paper, huh?), and spread liberally on the pizza. Voila! A meat lovers delight! It may not be Domino’s but it’s pretty dang good.

And don’t get me started on the Forever Stamp the Post Office put out recently. We’ve got enough stamps for Congressman Bart Gordon to send a birthday card to every constituent he has for his next eight terms in Congress. No way is the government gonna sucker punch me again with one of those outrageous penny increases.

So as you can see my family was able to dodge the recent gas scare by some clever long-range planning. Just clear out some storage space around your home, and you too can be prepared in the face of panic. And if you decide that storing 600 gallons of gasoline in your attic isn’t the thing for you, just remember; I’ll take all your empty milk jugs!

Tagged under VOICES

Member Opinions:

By: justdance on 9/22/08

Beanie Weenies are full of protein and Spam is full of pig snout....

You made me laugh out loud at my desk again!!!

Hilarious!