STEPHEN LEWIS, Post Columnist
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010 5:42 am

I love music. Let me clarify; I love good music. Good music can be defined in many ways but one thing’s for sure: it has to be music produced before the last decade we came out of.

I kind of feel bad for my children and the entire generation that grew up on music from the 21st century. I got to grow up on the music from the ‘80s and early ‘90s and they got crap.

Take this little diddy called "My Humps" by someone named Fergie that came out a couple years ago. A line in this song goes: "My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps." Are you kidding me?

If I came up with that line and wrote it in a column I'd wind up on the front page of the Daily News Journal with the opening line: "Stephen Lewis, who is male..." A few months ago I thought I'd explode if I heard the lyrics "my my my poker face" one more time. What does that even mean?

Today's teens have no idea of the great music that came before them. They have no knowledge of the brilliant songwriters that gave birth to MTV and music videos. They prefer American Idols over Billy Idol. And this, my fellow middle-agers, is where we let our children down.

Sit down with your children today and give them a quick history lesson on the members of Duran Duran. Share with them your thoughts and feelings about the J. Geils Band and Dexy's Midnight Runners. Explain the complexities of songs written not only in English but in German as well (i.e. Der Kommisar and 99 Luftballoons). Let them know that some songs, “Relax” by Frankie goes to Hollywood comes to mind, are better enjoyed for their quirky beats and not for the message they relay.

My favorite artist from the ‘80s has to be Rick Springfield. All the girls wanted him and all the guys wanted to be him.

Who can forget this classic line from “Jessie's Girl”? "You know I feel so dirty when they start talking cute, I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot?" I challenge anyone reading this column today to think of another song from any genre or year that successfully uses the word "moot." The man was a genius.

Arguably the greatest rock band of all time came out of the ‘80s. I'm speaking of course, of Van Halen. The wild antics of lead singer David Lee Roth, the sizzling guitar riffs of Eddie Van Halen, and the great tunes of the band made them a landmark group. How can any of us forget the greatest four-word line from any song ever? Every soccer mom and nerdy volunteer coach dad cranks up the volume just before Roth comes out with "I don't feel tardy." Classic.

But I like all kinds of music. My generation enjoyed rap music when it was fun. Not when it was about "popping a cap in somebody's @**." Who doesn't love this great line from Young MC? "Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry, in five days from now he's gonna marry." With this line Young MC proves you don't have to be a great songwriter to produce a hit record. You just have to be able to rhyme. All you rappers out there make sure to thank your first-grade teacher!

While we're on the subject of rap music, we can't pass up the greatest rap song of all time. When Sir Mix A Lot sang "Give me a sister, I can't resist her. Red beans and rice didn't miss her," it empowered a generation of girls who didn't exactly fit the size-two mold that magazines seem to cater to. That song is full of great lines. I could write a whole column just on it. "LA face with an Oakland booty." Beethoven, Mozart, Marvin Hamlisch and Sir Mix A Lot: The Mt. Rushmore of music composers.

I know, I know. You're worried I wasn't going to mention quite possibly the most recognizable song ever. Don't worry. How could I write an article on how great the music of my generation was and not mention the most talented songwriter of all time? Billy Joel? Nope. Elton John? No way. Michael Jackson? Sorry, although he is a close second.

It's Vanilla Ice performing “Ice, Ice Baby.” Etched in my mind, and on the top of my casket if my wife follows through with my after-death wishes, is this line from the greatest Karaoke song, and the song that made white kids dream of being rap stars: "Quick to the point to the point no faking, I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon." Just like "moot" in “Jessie's Girl” I challenge you to find another song with the word bacon in it. Vanilla Ice's acumen for music makes the rest of us look so small. Word to your mother.

I hope you enjoyed my look at today's versus yesterday's music. I suppose it's unfair to insult today's music just because of my own tastes. But I think I've done a pretty good job at proving that my generation of songwriters was much more talented than today's. And I didn't even have to pull out the biggest gun of all to do it ..."You got the peaches, I got the cream, pour some sugar on me ...”