MIKE PIRTLE, Post Publisher
Posted: Sunday, February 14, 2010 7:03 am

Winter what?

Winter Olympics.

Winter Olympics on snow and ice?

Are you kidding me? Have we not suffered enough? Aren’t we expecting more snow after already having more snow than we snow what to do with?

Now we are supposed to watch sports on snow and ice?

I think I’m going to go outside and sit on the ice and wait for a polar bear to show up and eat me.

Honestly, I’ve never been a winter Olympics fan. Snow skiing, skating and bobsleds were never big participation sports in Tennessee even back in the 1950s and 1960s when I was growing up and it snowed every day while we were walking 12 miles uphill barefoot to school.

I remember a few times going down to the river and sliding on the ice, well, until Jimmy C. was sliding along and suddenly disappeared into the river. That turned out OK by sheer luck but certainly dampened (literally and figuratively) interest in skating on ice.
Besides, our only skates were roller skates, the old ones with the metal wheels requiring a pretty decent skill level.

We did do some sledding, although, like a lot of folks here recently, a lot of our sleds were on the extreme of improvision.

Garbage can lids, cardboard boxes and kids’ wagons with the wheels and axles removed were more common than actual sleds.

But, that was fun.

Snow-related competition, though, centered almost solely on snowball fights, and the highest principles of Olympic competition might have lasted three seconds after the first snowball flew.

Then, revenge and mercilessness were the only qualities in play.

Strangely, with the zillion Olympic events, including the bizarrely named half pipe etc., the international competition has no provision for snowball fighting.

Geez, what’s the point of the whole thing? Snowball fights and snow angel making should be the first two and most prominently featured events. And, snow crème making should be close to the top.

That they aren’t just convinces me these aren’t real sports. Kinda like soccer being football. Duh.

That opinion isn’t shared in my household. While I will studious avoid the Games, my missus will watch every minute she possibly can. She loves them. She loves the pageantry, even if it’s fake Chinese stuff like last summer.

Unless she tells me the temperature outside has warmed up to 72 and the mixed doubles snowball finals are up next, I’m totally out on the Winter Olympics and more snow and ice.

In fact, I’m looking for a cave. Someone call me when spring arrives.