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Tue, Oct 21, 2014

LOGUE: Savers are sexy

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Can you imagine Jack Benny as the idol of today’s millennials?

Most of them aren’t even familiar with the classic comedian who crafted a persona of a stingy, slightly conceited perpetual 39-year-old and made generations of Americans laugh at it.

But, according to research by a doctoral candidate at the University of Michigan, stingy is the new sexy.

In evaluating profiles of prospective dating partners, participants in Jenny Olson’s study consistently rated savers higher than spenders.

On a scale of one to seven, savers ranked five on the average.

Olson says the bling is not the thing. Fancy cars and Armani suits don’t cut it in the Great Recession. She says self-control is more appealing than wretched excess.

Of course, this is only applicable to people seeking long-term relationships. If you’re just looking for temporary thrills, Willie Nelson’s “If You’ve Got the Money, I’ve Got the Time” is your theme song.

Academicians say our reptilian brains are geared toward a financially secure future so that our offspring may survive and thrive.

Bear in mind, however, a lot of people lie when asked to create a profile of themselves that will be made public for purposes of attracting a dating partner.

Olson found that people were divided evenly among savers and spenders when responding to her private questionnaire. When they were told to create public dating profiles for themselves, however, savers outnumbered spenders by a large number.

And if you have more sex, you’ll get more money, whether you save it, earn it or inherit it.

A separate study by Nick Drydakis of Anglia Ruskin University in England finds that people who have sex more than four times a week make more money.

Getting laid is a “barometer,” says Drydakis, for characteristics that could make a person a better employee.

Married men who don’t have sex earn 1.3 percent lower wages than married men with satisfying sex lives, Drydakis claims.

However, the chicken-and-the-egg aspect of this is that having regular sexual activity contributes to physical and mental health, which contributes to one’s overall attractiveness, including one’s professional attractiveness.

The Drydakis study raises a number of questions, not the least of which is, “If more sex leads to more money and more physical and personal attractiveness, why do most prostitutes look as though they just slithered out of a meth lab?”

You know, Jack Benny’s good friends, George Burns and Gracie Allen, never liked his wife, Mary Livingston. They only put up with Mary, who worked with Jack on his radio program, because Jack loved her so much.

George and Gracie considered Mary a status-driven social climber who cared more about being Mrs. Jack Benny than anything else.

Do you think Jack still would have married Mary if eHarmony.com had been in existence in his day?

Never mind. Saying you’re 39 years old at the peak of Jack’s career would have been the ultimate phony dating profile.

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