Hammerhaid, who usually travels that path at least once a day, has seen them all from the rednecked gobbler to the big-breasted hen. And he’s been cut off by most of them as well. You have to think ahead to make that left turn onto Thompson Lane.
On Tuesday, Hammerhaid was making his mental preparation by getting into the left lane just before the new light for the new Middle Tennessee Medical Center.
Success! He made his move on that curve and low and behold there on the curb rested the remains of a Wild Turkey.
No, not a broken whiskey bottle tossed out a motorist’s window, but instead the carcass of a genuine wild turkey, which had experienced less success on the Boooolevard than H-haid.
That turkey was dead as a hammer, dead as 4 o’clock, but his tail feathers were intact.
There was once a day when Hammerhaid would have pulled over and saved a few of those feathers for the band of his 14-gallon cowboy hat, which was retired by Betty Lou. “No way, not ever.”
But Tuesday wasn’t that day.
First of all, you can’t pull over on Med Center Parkway. Secondly, he would have suffered the same fate as that bird, if he had even tried being a slow, but big target.
Daresay, any scavenger would have failed because the Parkway is a crazy place after 5 p.m. Convenient, yes, but whacko definitely.
When the Parkway first opened it was the perfect shortcut for people wanting to avoid Old Fort Parkway and Cason Lane. Few people knew about it so it made for great driving especially for folks like Hammerhaid who tend to poke along while ignoring the white lines.
Now traffic is probably triple, but people are still looking for a shortcut in all sorts of impossible ways.
“Betty Lou takes Mall Circle to Robert Rose then Medical Center to Gresham Lane. Makes me dizzy to think about it,” Hammerhaid said.
“I was taking Med Center to North Thompson and then Old Fort Parkway, but making that right hand turn is just too much for me. People shift lanes constantly and one day I was turning right only to be faced down by a woman who ran the red light and was on the wrong side of the road. She was sitting on the horn until she saw all the other cars coming.”
That was the day he decided he couldn’t run with the big dogs.
“I was getting so desperate that I was considering parking my car at Wal-Mark and catching Rover to work and back, but now I have a new short cut and I am happy as a clam.”
But will Hammerhaid divulge his secret?
“I just go straight up Old Fort Parkway with everybody hunting for a shortcut, traffic is down on Old Fort. You don’t get there fast, but you aren’t driving all over the country side either,” he said.
T-t-t-t-t-that’s r-r-r-r-r-ight.
As for the Easter Bunny, Hammerhaid is hoping that he stays off Medical Center Parkway. |
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