Hammerhaid: SMILE, Hammerhaid’s caught on red light camera on The Murfreesboro Post

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Hammerhaid: SMILE, Hammerhaid’s caught on red light camera

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PICKIN' ON FILM: Unraveling 'Citizen Kane'

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By: MIKE WEST, Managing Editor

Posted: Sunday, October 12, 2008 8:01 am

It was just a matter of time.

Yep, the instant the announcement was made, ol’ Hammerhaid just knew that before long he would be ... SNAP ... on “Red Light Candid Camera.”

The camera shoulda focused on his ugly mug. Now, that would have made an arresting image.

There he was approaching the light at Old Fort Parkway and Thompson Lane. Traffic, if you can believe it, was pretty sparse.

The “granny” in him cautioned “slow down, it’s gonna change,” but the Dale Earnhardt buried inside said, “goferit.” That moment of indecision caught him as he slowed then rolled on through the light.

Was there a flash? Maybe he just imagined it?

Later that day he told Betty Lou that a red-light camera might have snagged him.

“That’s what you get for driving like a granny,” she laughed.

Well anyway, time passed and H-haid forgot about the close encounter.

Then on Thursday he was sorting through the credit card and refinancing offers before shredding them when he spotted an envelope that looks a little out of the ordinary.

Yep, it was a ticket, complete with photos of his car and a close-up of his car tag (like he actually knows what his license plate number is. He thinks it’s BR-549).

It was a small image that purported to include the red light.

“I don’t see NO red light. Looks yeller to me ... No, I don’t even see the light.”

Betty Lou pointed out the red light, but he still couldn’t see it. Everybody he showed it too could *&^% well see that telltale light.

“So, big man, are you gonna contest it?” asked Betty Lou.

“Well, heck no. Everybody on the north side of town says they can see it. Now that might be because they like seeing me in hot water, but I am not gonna go to court and have to pay court costs on top of that ticket,” he answered.

“And I’m not gonna send them a picture of 50 bucks so they can send me back a picture of handcuffs and a jail cell. I did it (unintelligible) so I’m gonna admit it.”

Given the cost of gas, the $%& state of the economy, Hammerhaid is hoping to hit the lottery so he can pay off that ticket.

But that is neither here or there. The big problem is that ticket has made Hammerhaid a little “red light” shy. Some of you probably are familiar with the term, “gun shy,” when it comes to hunting dogs? Now when Hammerhaid approaches a traffic light that’s due to change, he sorta hunkers down and whimpers. He can’t decide if he should stop or just chase his tail.

Heck, he nearly got tagged by Rover (not really) thanks to his indecision.

And red light camera intersections with right turn lanes are the absolute worst. The other day he was in the right turn lane at Northfield and Broad Street with a line behind him. Nobody was honking, but he still decided to turn right on red. Nobody followed. So now he has to add that to his worry list.

T-t-t-t-t-that’s r-r-r-r-r-ight.

Tagged under VOICES

Member Opinions:

By: greaterhands on 10/15/08
Poor Hammerhead. You didnt mean to get caught did you. I think the city was getting back at you for leaving the DNJ. What do you think? You have enough to worry about with typewriter breath {Whittle] not working along side of you. You certainly hame my sympathy. With a $50 bill wrapped inside an envelope addressed to the city, they will forgive you for having a senior moment.
Dwight Faircloth