Yankees go home.
It’s probably inappropriate for Hammerhaid to make such a remark, but he sure is getting tired of the ever-growing number of know-it-all hardheads.
Perhaps it just takes one to know one?
“People don’t want to believe the honest truth. And I was raised to call a spade a #*&^% shovel,” Hammerhaid said.
“But some people you can tell them the gospel truth, and they either ignore it or are too hard-headed to acknowledge it,” he said. “I see that all the time at work.
“You tell them ... that’s broke, I cain’t fix it ... and 15 minutes later they are back asking if it is ready yet,” he shook his head.
“Some of them are like the ol’ Bible tale about the man trying to get a camel through the eye of a needle. There is no way to get that square peg into the round hole, but they expect you to do it anyway. And if you don’t, they are all over the plant or all over town telling the world how YOU let THEM down,” he said.
“Other ones are like the story of the man and the doctor...you know. The man goes to the doctor and says, ‘Doc, my arm hurts every time I do this,’ so the doctor tells him ‘then stop doing that.’ Those people don’t listen and they keep on doing it ... and complaining about it. That drives me crazy, too,” Hammerhaid said.
However, there are a few “hardheads” that have an even more annoying trait. They are, for the lack of a better word, “preachy,” argumentative or worse – in other words they are so-called Yankees.
The absolute worse begin their little lectures with the words “In Michigan, we...” You can substitute New York, Pennsylvania or just about any other state ‘up North.’
Hammerhaid usually ends that conversation with “if your home state is so *&^% great, why don’t you go back, like TODAY if not sooner.” At that point, he becomes a hardhead and ignores anything further they have to say.
There is one former coworker he offers a dollar every time he sees them for his “go back to Michigan fund.”
It’s not that Hammerhaid has anything against Michigan.
“I like crime, bad roads and bone chilling cold as much as the next guy. Some of my best friends are from Michigan. I even have relatives who live in Michigan.”
“What do you call them?” laughed his buddy Benny.
“I don’t,” Hammerhaid snarled.
“But doesn’t that present a little problem for you? Where is Betty Lou from?” Benny laughed.
“Michigan,” grunted Hammerhaid, “but that doesn’t really count cause she has lived most of her life within the confines of the Southeastern Conference.”
“You mean the Southeast, don’t cha?” Benny snorted.
“No, Southeastern Conference as in Tennessee, Kentucky and Florida,” he answered.
“Gator fan?” asked Benny.
“No, thank gawd,” said H-haid. Some things are simply impossible.
It was Betty Lou who explained the difference between people from the Midwest from true Yankees from “Up east.” “They are the truly annoying ones so don’t lump Michigan, Illinois or Indiana in with them.”
So, H-haid tries to be a little less abrasive when it comes to folks from up north. Except he has no mercy on Betty Lou’s mom, but that battle is for mutual entertainment. Including the time he took her to Stones River Battlefield to show her what Tennesseans did to know-it-alls from Michigan back in the day.
Actually, the worst person in the hood isn’t a Yankee. He’s from Sweet Home Alabama and is the creator of everything in the world from the layout of the neighborhood to the proper way of planting bulbs.
“That guy is the biggest know-it-all in town. But I get even with him in my own way. I keep telling everyone that he’s from Mississippi and asking him if he bought that crimson red pickup truck because he is such an Old Miss fan. And if that doesn’t work, I ask him about Auburn football,” Hammerhaid said.
“T-t-t-that’s r-r-r-r-r-r-right.”
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