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| Hammerhaid: Cabin fever gives big donkey kick to Hammerhaid |
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By: MIKE WEST, Managing Editor
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Posted: Sunday, February 7, 2010 6:47 am
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Dang, Hammerhaid has a bad case of cabin fever.
Naturally, when the weather’s bad and the TV watching is slow, his brain turns to scheming.
After watching the various reports on Groundhog Day, he decided he could come up with some alternative plan for determining just how long winter will last.
First of all, it’s gotta be an animal besides a groundhog.
How about a cat? Hammerhaid and Betty Lou have more than their share, but they are inside creatures that only occasionally want to go outside exploring. So how can they ever hope to see their shadow on Cat Day?
Heck, what Tennessee animal hibernates anyway?
How about a bear? Gatlinburg is loaded with them.
But Murfreesboro is a long way from East Tennessee’s mountains. And there hasn’t been a black bear here since, uh, some guys made up a marauding bear to harass ol’ grandpappy Dan Whittle back in the day.
Now the area has more than its share of deer, but they don’t hibernate, and there’s no chance of caging one up anyway.
Rabbits? Now that’s a possibility, but H-man has a phobia about bunnies. So the search continues.
How about a squirrel? Lord knows we have plenty of those around here, but most of them are so poor they wouldn’t cast a shadow. Never mind that they are so jumpy that catching one is pretty much impossible.
Left to his own resources, Hammerhaid decided to ferret out the truth on the Internet.
And soon he discovered that Punxsutawney Phil dates back some 120 years, or 1886 anyway.
The celebration of Groundhog Day began with Pennsylvania's earliest settlers. They brought with them the legend of Candlemas Day, which states, "For as the sun shines on Candlemas Day, so far will the snow swirl in May..."
“What the heck is Candlemas Day?” H-haid asked.
With a few clicks of the computer, he figured out that Candlemas Day is Feb. 2.
“But where the heck did they come up with Punxsutawney?” he asked.
“Haven’t we seen the movie, ‘Groundhog Day’ at least a dozen times?” asked wife Betty Lou. “Punxsutawney is the name of the town where it all takes place. I just can’t believe you. You’ve already watched that movie twice this weekend.”
“Give me that laptop,” she demanded, looking up Punxsutawney. “It says right here, that Punxsutawney derives from a Delaware Indian term which translates to ‘town of the sandflies.’"
“Well, that ain’t very special,” he responded, “but you gotta admit Punxsutawney sounds much better than Sandfly, Penciltucky.
“They have a 120-year head start on you and your half-baked plans. So give it up and move on to something else,” she ordered.
“How about the Boro Burro? We could trot him out and see if he cast’s a shadow?” Hammerhaid continued.
“They wore out the Murfreesboro...burro connection back in the late 1950s or early 1960s. So you better give up on that one too,” Betty Lou stormed.
“I can just see you trying to drag a donkey out of a barn while wearing a top hat and tuxedo,” she sniggered.
“A top hat and a tuxedo? I was thinking of wearing my overalls and brogans with a bright red print shirt. Heck, I might even black out a couple of teeth...”
“Like you need too,” Betty Lou said wryly.
“That’s all Murfreesboro needs. Yep, a big hillbilly event. Yep, I can see Mayor Bragg all dressed up for it,” she laughed, “with you trying to drag a jackass on a rope.”
Hammerhaid hadn’t even thought of the traditional southern name for a donkey. “Dang it. I thought it would be perfect,” he snarled.
“Oh, it would. It would be absolutely perfect. You would look like a bigger jackass than that poor old donkey. I can just see you now. Hee-haw, hee-haw, hhhhhhhe-haw,” she brayed with laugher.
And finally all he could say in response was ....
T-t-t-t-t-that’s r-r-r-r-r-r-right. |
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