Is the honeymoon over?
Noooooo, not Hammerhaid’s honeymoon. That will never end, especially the week before Halloween, oops, Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s is never good for a tightwad like the H-man, but after years of experimentation, he’s learned to pay the fiddler when it comes to romance. Sure, there were the green roses that year, but that’s another story.
Time has taught him that he better cough up some variation on candy, flowers and a nice dinner without too much of his half-baked attempts at being clever. Being clever is expensive. Like last year when he decided to buy a couple of those giant-sized Hershey Bars from Cracker Barrel. He snuck to the Crack House, grabbed that big bar and was trying to check out when he discovered the 50-buck price tag.
Hmmmm, a bouquet of red roses or a chunk of candy as big as the kitchen sink. Decisions, decisions…
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker, but beautiful roses give her bragging rights.
Well anyway. He survived another Valentine’s.
This year, he’s already got his Valentine’s plan in action, so he’s got a little time to worry about other things like the short-lived honeymoon between Barack Obama and the rest of the world.
Hammerhaid, the eternal pessimist, is remaining optimistic about this year. “Doing fine in 2009” is his unofficial motto, but it appears that our new president won’t benefit from the traditional “honeymoon period” awarded his predecessors.
“Dang, is Hillary the only cabinet nominee who paid income taxes last year?” H-haid asked. “I know they ask those nominees all sort of embarrassing questions, but they apparently left ‘did you pay your taxes?’ off the list.”
“Why would anyone want to be a cabinet member anyway? Nine-tenths of them end up the trouble. And can you imagine being selected as secretary of the treasury and having to deal with this economic mess. I would rather dig ditches any day,” he preached.
“Hmmmm, I remember the last time you dug a ditch,” said wife Betty Lou. “You sweated all weekend and all you did was dig a four-inch wide ditch that was about four feet long and two inches deep. That was pathetic.”
What do you expect with all that limestone and red clay?
“OK, that was a poor example. I would rather be a guest on ‘The View’ than be secretary of the treasury,” he said.
Now that is an answer every man in America can understand and that every woman in America can despise. It immediately fired up Betty Lou.
“I can’t believe you don’t love Elizabeth. She’s the darling of the conservatives and her husband’s a pro quarterback,” Betty Lou said. “She is so beautiful.”
“Hate her, despise him. Gotta wonder why he plays on Seattle … hate them too … while she works in New York City,” he said.
Betty Lou ran through the host list on “The View” and his consistent answer was “hate ‘em.” “I do like Whoopie, but wonder why she isn’t out filming ‘Change of Habit 5’ instead, he said. “And then there is Barbara Walters. She was on TV before there was a TV. She needs to move on to infomercials like Hugh Downs and give some nice younger person – like Methuselah – a chance to earn $6-8 million a year.”
“Well, at least they seem to be crazy about Obama,” H-haid said. “The man needs more than two weeks to save the nation.
“Democrats, Repubs and them 24-hour TV fools leave Obama alone for at least six months so he can begin to fix the economy. Shut-up and let things settle down a bit.”
T-t-t-t-t-t-hat’s r-r-r-r-r-ight. |
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