MIKE WEST, Managing Editor
Posted: Sunday, November 29, 2009 6:53 am

There’s nothing like unboxing the ol’ Christmas tree to get Hammerhaid sneezing.

“Don’t know if it is the accumulated dust or if I am just allergic to good ol’ plastic?” he confessed.

Or it could just be that all the stretching, bending and exercise in general that gets to him? Allergic to physical labor? That could be it.

Well anyway, Hammerhaid got the tree unpacked over last weekend so it could “mature.”

Monday night, he began to mold it back into shape. Admittedly, it looked a bit rough at first, but what the heck do you expect after a huge, fluffy tree got stuffed back into its way-too-small box.

Once he got it looking like a tree again, he started working on the lights, slowly replacing one after another in an attempt to get all its 20 zillion lights shining.

Talk about a slow process. Betty Lou, who expected quick results, soon hit the bed as poor ol’ H-haid labored on, replacing one light after another.

Finally, he had most of the colored lights shining from the top of the tree to the bottom. Then, he made the mistake of trying to scoot the big tree to get better access at the white lights. Naturally, the bottom of the heavy tree separated from the middle and top, leaving the H-man in quite a bind.

The harder he tried, the worse the problem became, but he couldn’t let go, because his hours of work would probably be undone.

Not wanting to wake the entire house (like that was possible), he let out a feeble little “halp meeeeeeee.”

“Halp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,” he cried a little harder.

Betty Lou rounded the corner with a look between bemusement and fear on her face. With a laugh, she guided the two parts of the tree together and headed back to bed, still laughing.

At that point, Hammerhaid gave up for the night and watched the last few minutes of the Tennessee Titans beating the Texans with a field goal.

When that excitement was over, he carefully plugged in the tree’s remote control device and plugged the white and multi-colored connections in. He hit the first switch and the beautiful colored lights lit up the corner of the living room.

Satisfied, he switched the colored lights off and hit the white lights only to discover the top of the tree completely unlit.

“Drat,” was all he could say. “Drat, drat, drat.” At least he was obeying Betty Lou’s pre-Christmas cussing ban.

Early the next morning, he beat Betty Lou up. Her favorite white lights were still defunct, so he turned on the multi-colored and hoped for the best.

Amazingly, she was proud of his work.

“I just love those colored lights,” she sighed. “And those sagging branches, you fixed them.”

It was a Christmas tree miracle....

T-t-t-t-t-t-that’s r-r-r-r-r-r-right.